Caffeine's Journal

2024-10-23 — New Beginnings

The beginning and end of cycles occur regardless of our preferences. Today was difficult; We had to lay off several people, and I feel terrible about it.

I regret not updating this blog regularly, but it feels minor compared to everything else going on. This situation prompted me to declutter my life. I sold my desktop computer and decided to keep only my laptops, with one as my daily driver. Simplification is key.

That gets me thinking on how other stuff in my life doesn't make sense anymore. so what does make sense now? That's the big question. gotta think, get my thoughts in order, try to figure out wtf is happening. Because there's definitely signs that there's shit's going down that i can't control.

Sometimes it feels like i'm not taking enough initiative. i'm being way too passive because i'm just so damn tired. Even with the changes i've made, there's still things that need to happen, and they are mine to solve.

Life's full of cycles starting and ending that we can't always control. companies restructure, relationships change, shit happens around us. sometimes all you can do is think, reorient yourself, and find that energy from inside to do something about the things you can control.

Change is hardly ever easy, but it's also a chance to level up. by admitting what's not working anymore and growing the balls to leave it behind, we make room for new things to come into our lives. the important part is to not get stuck doing nothing or freezing up. gotta find what matters to you and what motivates you to keep going.

So, while i'm in the middle of this tough ass transition, both with my company and my own life, i'm trying to get back to what i'm about at my core. i'm looking for the next positive moves i can make, even if they're tiny. At the end of the day, life goes on. and it's on us to decide what the fuck we do with it. so here's to new beginnings, even when they suck.

2024-05-27 — Rat's race

Life has been so hectic lately — endless duties and deadlines are always there, hunting me.

I've been juggling many projects for work, leaving almost no time for myself. Each day merges into the next, a blur of tasks and meetings, with my to-do list growing longer instead of shorter. My "free" time is rare. I spend those precious moments with my family. But, how well this goes varies a lot. Sometimes, we have a few real moments of connection. Other times, we're all too tired to do more than coexist.

And then, when I thought things couldn't get any more chaotic, the entire household got sick. It felt like an added layer of complexity to an already intricate puzzle. To make matters worse, I have a trip to Spain coming up in about a week. Low energy, a busy schedule, and imminent travel -- it's not the ideal combination.

I've found some peace by working in my small coffin-like office in a coworking space, trying to concentrate. Here, I prioritize what's important work-wise. I work in turns to save energy. My to-do list is never-ending, but my stamina isn't, so I've learned to triage tasks like a seasoned field medic.

One silver lining has been getting back to book reading. In a move straight out of my own personal playbook, I decided to crack open a random Murakami for a re-read. This time, it was "Norwegian Wood." Something about Murakami's storytelling always captivates me. Diving back into his world did wonders for my mental state. If you check out the Obsessions Log on my website, you'll see that I'm back on the reading track.

For now, I'll focus on working smart and resting a as much as I can. I'm also gearing up for the trip to Spain. It feels like preparing for a level 100 Boss Raid. But hey, as long as I can keep my head above water and maybe squeeze in another chapter or two of Murakami, I think I'll be alright.

2024-05-16 — Surfing the entropy

It's been a while since I last posted here. Work has kept me super busy, leaving little time or energy for side projects. I'm making an effort to dive back into books instead of crashing in bed the moment my day ends.

The only side project I'm currently active on is img. I aim to return to my new x220 with 9front, but time is limited. With a trip to Spain approaching in less than a month, preparations are a must.

Life — an endless weave of people, requests, and demands.

2024-03-13 — Recovering

February was challenging, so let's skip that and move on to March. Things are finally getting back to normal. I launched Phraxos, A POSIX compliant static website generator for caffeine.wiki. People are already testing and using it, which is pretty cool. Progress at work is good, and I'm having a good time with the ambient music workshop at the polyphase portal.

Also: Recovering from illness, resting, reading books, dropping some midway. Exploring the world openly, using available tools and seeking new ones, aiming to grasp the complexity and chaos around.

2024-01-10 — Summertime

Happy New Year! The year started busy with a month-long trip to my family home in the middle of nowhere, with several mini-trips in between. I've been trying to rest as much as possible when I'm not working, and I miss making music a lot.

I'm casually revisiting jerdehl.c to see what can be improved. I had an old version of it that sounded better than the current one, and I'm working on integrating the improved fire crackling into it.

Besides that, there are many social visits, new tattoos to be done, and pool time. Summer is upon us!

2023-07-12 — Low energy, low key

It’s been a while since I wrote a journal post. I have been busy with my December Adventure, and my energy levels are not so good. It’s also too warm in Rio, and I decided against traveling.

I even took some time off from work to recharge. Hopefully, things will improve.

2023-11-14 — The good kind of busy

I finally finished the song I had been working on for so long. Now working on an acoustic version before releasing both as an EP. I've also been trying to finish the amazing book The Magus by John Fowles. I'm almost there, but I'm not sure I want it to end.

I've been also working on a solo dice game concept. It's in the early stages, but it shows promise. Let's see how it develops.

2023-11-06 — Overthrown

Since the last post, I focused on creating new music, code, and infrastructure. I created my own vault that works with Bitwarden and secured it with Tailscale. Then, I switched from LastPass. Next on the list is Authy.

I also joined the Micro Fiction Games Jam this year and have been playing my submission nonstop. I really enjoy it.

Here's the game in its full glory:

Roll 2d6 — the Crown's power.
The Riot starts with 0.
Roll 1d6, and add it to the Riot’s.
You can ignore the roll, losing 1 power;
the Crown gets 1.
Keep rolling.
When the Riot's power is higher than the Crown,
it becomes it.
Time to topple them.
Use the new Crown power as basis.

2023-10-04 — Back home

Just about to land in Rio after spending 8 days in Greece. This trip was much needed. Taking some time alone, even with business meetings in between, helps reset the mind from the daily routine.

Timezones create distance, allowing you to approach problems from a detached perspective. I wish I could maintain that clarity even in the midst of chaos.

Like most tourists in Greece, I fell in love with it. I avoided touristy activities and, as usual, sought out the less polished parts of the city. My brother always says I have a knack for finding the "Portland" side of any place.

I had fantastic food and coffee and received a warm welcome from people in the extreme metal scene. While buying luggage, I made a friend who is a guitarist, and I hope we can collaborate.

Athens is a diverse and vibrant city where you can find anything you want, as long as you're willing to pay the price or negotiate.

(This journal entry is a part of my upcoming report about my trip to Europe in late September 2023).

2023-09-20 — Better

Today was productive. I managed to organize many things for my trip next week and put some of my old music online — that had been on my list for a long time. I also managed to solve some pending company issues. In addition, I played around a bit with the source code of the editor that m15o released. I love it. I'm considering modifying my current setup to make it my daily driver.

Yesterday, my energy was still a bit low, but I managed to, in addition to working, get a haircut and shave. I ended up sleeping relatively early. I think that helped me a lot.

2023-09-18 — Gloomy

I'm still pretty gloomy today. I wanted to get immersed in a game or an excellent book, but I couldn't bring myself into it. Lots of meetings, an international trip in about a week, and an endless to-do list. Meh.

After picking up my child from school and stepping out of the house for a while, I feel energized. It's funny how that works.

2023-09-17 — Recap: Week 37, 2023

This week's been crazy professionally. I barely got anything done besides meetings, but there was a ton to sort out. Zero mana for several days. Yet, at the same time, I was riding this wave of hypomania - I just had to finish a song and release it. Not chasing fame or anything. The deal? Personal satisfaction - crafting something unique.

On top of that, I've been working on migrating my website to a simpler static website generator I'm home cooking, and get it out of Roam Research. It's going to be a long project, but that's part of the fun.

Plus, I need to organize things for my upcoming trip (happening soon) and figure out how to keep everything on track while I'm out.

2023-09-16 — Disappear

Just for today, I want to fade away and be devoured by the void.

The burden is too heavy for a single one.

Now playing: liminal dream — luna.

2023-09-15 — Hello World

The Journal is ready to go! I see it as something that's a mix between Mastodon and my Now page. I'm not exactly sure how to use it, but I plan to share personal life bits, brain ramblings, and project updates. It might even be therapeutic for me. So, let's get started -- we're officially kicking off!